Child Custody: Does it Mean Litigation?

Child Custody: Does it Mean Litigation?

When the word “custody” is mentioned, people picture a projected legal battle.  They picture long days in court, full of airing one's dirty laundry in public.  Custody issues can get messy, but they don't necessarily mean long days before a judge.  Today, most custody issues are hammered out in negotiations.  This is true for both married parents and non-married parents alike.

The first step in gaining custody is to ask for it.  If the parents are married, that step is a part of divorce proceedings.  If the parents are not married, the father may have to file to establish paternity.  This may involve a Court Order, but it does not have to.  In most cases, establishing paternity is mediated through the lawyers.  If the mother is married to someone else, things get a little more difficult.  In most States, if a woman is married, her spouse is legally presumed to be the Father.  Because of adultery laws are still on the books in many states, many women will fight having a man she is not married to being declared the father.  That does not mean the fight for father's rights is automatically lost.  However, there is a greater likelihood of needing court intervention to order a paternity test.

Over the years, mothers have been more likely to ask for primary custody, but that too is changing.  Today, custody is being awarded to the father in more and more cases, regardless of whether the parents were married at the time the child was conceived.  Men are fighting their Baby Mamas for custody and are winning.  In fact, the courts are looking at things like financial and emotional stability over sex of the parent.
Ideally, the lawyers battle in their offices so that the issues are settled before things ever reach the courts.  Family Court should be a LAST resort, only after discussions between the parents have failed.  In fact, the great custody myth is that the majority of cases are battled out in Family Court.  That is not the case.

According to DivorcePeers.com () most custody is decided through negotiations:

• 51% agreed on their own
• 29% settled without third party involvement
• 11% decided during mediation
• 5% resolved differences after a custody evaluation
• 4% went to trial (of the 4% that initiated litigation, only 1.5% actually completed it)

So what is the likelihood YOUR custody battle will involve litigation?  How able are you to communicate with your co-parent?  Do both parents want sole custody, or do they want co-parenting?  Does the other parent have issues that could potentially endanger your child?  Will the parents reside near one another, or will they be separated by distance?  How reasonable is your co-parent?  Even if the two of you cannot communicate, can you do so through third-parties?

The fewer of these issues that apply to you, the less likely you will need a court to decide them.  If custody is fairly straightforward, the courts will not be involved at all.  And if you can work the issues out between your attorneys, you will not need to litigate.

This is where finding the right attorney can be key.  Your lawyer needs to understand all of the issues, as well as your desires.  S/he needs to be skilled at looking at ALL the problem areas and advising you accordingly.  S/he needs to be able to help you get past your stubbornness and anger.  S/he needs to help you stand strong on the big points and compromise on others.

Of course, any time there are unacknowledged endangerment issues, the likelihood of court involvement is greater.  The more severe these issues, the greater chance the offender will concede before you get to court.  The goal is to work everything out, so that you just present an agreement for the court to ratify.  And the more reasonable you are throughout the settlement process, the greater the chance you will prevail on the issues that need court intervention to settle.  And if you have trouble being reasonable, make sure your attorney can be for you.

So does custody necessarily mean a huge court fight?  The answer is no, it does not.  Most of the battle is fought in the lawyer's offices.  But the first step is telling your attorney to fight.  The second step is being willing and able to compromise along the way.  The goal is actually to keep the fight OUT of the courtroom. 

Here at the Law Offices of Heath Harte, we believe in negotiating custody, as much as possible, outside of the courts.  We will help you look objectively at the issues surrounding your case, both good and bad.  We will explain all of the factors used in determining custody, and just how these factors apply to your case.  We will look at all of the financial and emotional issues.  We will truthfully examine the barriers facing you along the way.  We will help you determine what is realistic, and what is truly best for the children involved.  We will help you prepare your strongest argument.  We will negotiate as much as possible without litigation.  If we do need the court's involvement, we'll use our knowledge of case law and judge's behavior to advise you where you should bend, and where you should stand strong.  We believe that parents, with all their strengths and weaknesses, are the best ones to determine what is best for their children.  We believe in keeping the decisions with the parents and out of the courts.